


Atlas: Seven

by kihyukie



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Kissing, M/M, only a tiny bit i promise, renmin if u squint i guess i never meant for this to happen, very renjun centric i love him a lot ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 12:55:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16347119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kihyukie/pseuds/kihyukie
Summary: Renjun wasn’t sure when some of the habits started, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to do anything to break them.Alternatively: A look into Renjun's relationships with his members.





	Atlas: Seven

**Author's Note:**

> this is my attempt at getting back into the writing habit, i figured i would start small.....i just have a lot of feelings about renjun and i quite like how this turned out so i hope u enjoy it too!!
> 
> tw: there's a sight description of a panic attack starting at "it had never been something he gave a second thought to..." ending at "he knew better than this" but it doesn't really turn into anything
> 
> title is from altas: seven by sleeping at last!!

Renjun wasn’t sure when some of the habits started, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to do anything to break them. 

…

Homesickness was something that even after years Renjun felt himself fall victim to. The nights when sleep evaded him were worst. It didn’t matter how long he had practiced, how much he had pushed himself, how long he watched the numbers on the clock tick away. Loneliness wormed its way into his heart and made itself at home. 

Nights like these Renjun often took time to reflect on how far he had come. How far they had  _ all _ come. He took the time to remind himself that even if he didn't get to see his parents more than twice a year, it was all worth it in the end. He was living his dream and a good one at that. 

Homesickness affected them all differently. Where it isolated Renjun and drew on his thoughtful, serious side, it pushed Chenle towards the others. (Which more often or not, meant Renjun). 

From the first day Renjun had first saw the younger Chinese boy enter the practice room, Renjun had felt a fierce protectiveness settle over him. He had been with Chenle every step of the way from then on.

Showing him around the SM buildings and their neighbourhood. Acting as his translator when the younger was only able to understand every third word in Korean. Being there to comfort him when training pushed them too hard, when exhaustion and homesickness threatened to swallow them all.  

While they all grew and adapted, one habit never changed. 

“Hyung?” Chenle’s voice came from the direction of the door and Renjun rolled over to see the youngers figure illuminated by the light in the hallway. Moments ago he had been on the edge of falling asleep, but now he could feel the tiredness fleeting, melting off like cobwebs. 

There was no need for Renjun to ask what he wanted. He simply held his index finger up to his lips and used his other hand to point to Jeno’s sleeping form in the bed on the other side of the room. 

As to not wake the other, Chenle padded across the floor towards Renjun’s bed avoiding the spots he knew creaked loudly if you stepped on them. Renjun pulled back the covers and shifted so he laid closer to the wall, the coldness from outside seeping him. The motions were more like second nature at this point. 

“Hey,” Renjun whispered, defaulting to Mandarin now that it was just the two of them. They laid side by side on their backs, the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling watching over them in return. 

“I miss them.” His voice was so quiet Renjun nearly missed it. An uncomfortable pain settled over his heart, hearing Chenle so quiet and vulnerable,  _ so _ unlike his usual self always reminded Renjun just how young he was. How young they all were. Sometimes it hurt him to think about. 

“I know.” What else was there to say? It wasn’t like he could bring Chenle to his family or vice versa. Renjun hated feeling so helpless when it came to those he loved. Without thinking, he rolled over to his side and immediately started running his fingers through Chenle’s hair. Moments later, the younger let out a sigh and closed his eyes again, his eyelashes resting on his cheeks. 

He wasn’t sure what it was about tonight, maybe it was the chill working its way towards his heart, the familiar scent of the younger filling the air, but Renjun finally felt the courage to ask what had been on his mind since the first time Chenle had come to him after his worries and loneliness kept him up. “Do you regret it?”

Chenle took a minute to reply, his breathing had begun to even out and Renjun wondered if he had fallen asleep. “Sometimes,” he said and Renjun was content to leave it at that, he wasn’t going to push. “Sometimes, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. You guys are like my family too.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”  _ You’re like the little brother I never had _ Renjun thinks, a protective warmth flooding out the cold, but he can’t bring himself to say it. One glance at Chenle’s now peaceful sleeping face lets him know the words would have fallen on deaf ears anyways. 

...

Renjun lived his life not bothered by much. It wasn’t that some things he saw or heard didn’t affect him, but he had taught himself long before stepping into the spotlight that insignificant things such as these were hardly worth his time. 

It worked for the most part. 

Being part of the industry meant there would always be those fans who were rude and disrespectful. Renjun knew better than going to search out for comments of the type. He really did. That didn’t mean sometimes they didn’t find him though. 

The photos from a photoshoot NCT Dream had been a part of over a month ago had finally been released, which meant fans everywhere were going crazy with reactions. There was still fifteen minutes until Renjun was due to practice, so he figured seeing some of the reactions couldn’t hurt. 

After a couple minutes of scrolling his blood turned cold. Maybe this hadn’t been the best idea. He was too far into it now to stop though. 

“What are you up to?” Mark’s voice piped up from behind him.

He slammed his phone face down on the coffee table. “Nothing,” Renjun replied, the words leaving his mouth a little too quick, a little too harsh. 

Mark learned forward to pick Renjun’s phone out of his hand. Not making a move to stop him, Renjun watched Mark’s expression turn grim as he scrolled through the page open on Renjun’s phone. 

“You...you don’t believe these right?” 

Most of the comments were supportive over how the photoshoot turned out, how good they all looked. Which was what Renjun had been searching for in the first place to his defence. He was rather proud of the photoshoot and was eager to see what fans thought. (Plus he had  the time to kill, which was rare enough to come by during a comeback.)

Seemingly a new hot topic between fans (that most had been quick to criticize) was the fact that Renjun’s birthmark had been edited out of the final version of the photos that appeared in the article. The fact didn’t bother Renjun as much as it probably should have. He was used to it by now, becoming an idol he had to come to terms that his body wasn’t just his own anymore. Things like these were out of his control.

There was the odd comment though that praised the editor for getting rid of Renjun’s birthmark, claiming it was dirty and unsightly. Those were something else.

“Of course not,” Renjun lied. It’s not that he really believed the comments or anything; they had no power. But it did make him think. Why were editors so eager to polish over his beauty mark if there was nothing wrong with it to begin with? What was so bad about leaving it in?

It had never been something he gave a second thought to, but now looking at it from another perspective he couldn’t help but question it. His insecurities threatened to rise from where he had trapped them away years ago at the back of his mind. They roselike bile up his throat, choking him. 

He was supposed to be stronger than this.

He knew better than this. 

“Hey.” Mark’s voice snapped Renjun out of his spiral. Before he was able to register what was going on Mark had grabbed his right hand between his two and lifted it up. Mark pressed his lips softly to Renjun’s birthmark. Renjun let out a soft breath but didn’t stop the older. Inside his chest, his heart stopped for an entirely different reason this time.

It was an unexpected action, but not unwanted. That was how it started. 

Although neither of them brought up the comments again, Mark didn’t seem to forget about them but he tried his hardest to help Renjun forget. The thoughts bothered Renjun less and less as the memory faded away, but he wasn’t about to admit that if it meant he would lose this somehow.

Even if he didn’t need the reassurance anymore, the gestures came from a place of comfort. They way Mark tangled their fingers together, his thumb brushing over Renjun’s knuckles - sending tiny waves of electricity up the younger boys arm. 

They held hands on the couch during movie nights. Curled up between Mark and Jaemin Renjun had never felt more at home. One of his hands in Mark’s and the other sandwiched between Jaemin and the couch, the feeling bleeding out of it as the circulation was cut off from the awkward position, but it was more than worth it. 

They held hands as they walked to the corner store. After listening to Chenle complaining about wanting a popsicle for over an hour, the rest of the boys gave in admitting they wanted one too. Mark and Renjun were the lucky losers of a round of lost rock, paper, scissors and were pushed out of the door by Jaemin to pick up their treats. They ran back, hands linked, the bag trapped between them. 

They held hands in the van to and from schedules. Mark had made a point in the first few weeks after the initial incident to sit beside Renjun, offering Jeno to take his dish duty for a month just so Jeno would give up his spot. It was there in the dark between streetlights Mark would press kisses to his birthmark, his knuckles and the spaces inbetween. 

A warm, familiar feeling filled his chest, unfurling, growing, and pressing against his ribcage. Threads of sleep pulled at Renjun’s eyelids. He gave in, resting his head on Mark’s shoulder, feeling the warmth radiating from the older and the movement from the van as he drifted away. 

…

They say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone and Renjun couldn’t help but agree. 

Jaemin was affectionate (only rivaled by Donghyuck) that itself was a fact. Another fact was that Renjun more often than not found himself put off by Jaemin’s clingy nature. The soft words and gentler touches bordered on suffocating and Renjun always did his best to brush them off. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t like the younger, Renjun just wasn’t too big on skinship unless it was on his own terms.

Then Jaemin left. 

Renjun didn’t think about the impact it would have on him until suddenly there was no warm presence next to him on movie nights, no one to laugh with about memes before they went to sleep, no one to share new music he found with. Jaemin was no longer around to smother him in kisses and waddle down the hallway hugging his back in the mornings. Things just seemed empty, quiet, cold.

It was then that Renjun admitted to himself he missed the affection. The easy touches and reassurance that came from his bandmate. Sure he could gain the affection from the others but none of them were  _ Jaemin _ . 

Subconsciously, the moment Jaemin returned to the dorms, Renjun made it his habit to stay in sight of the other. They were practically attached at the hip for the first week thanks to Renjun. He never noticed until Jaemin himself pointed it out, Chenle overhearing the conversation and laughing at Renjun for being so dense. (“I thought you were more in tune with your feelings than that hyung.”)

“Injunnie?” Jaemin asked from where he was sitting at the table in the kitchen, Renjun moving around him tidying up the kitchen. Renjun hummed without looking up. “Did you miss me?”

This made Renjun freeze and look at the other. He regretted it right away when he saw the smirk on the youngers face. 

“Of course,” Renjun said, desperately trying to make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal. Like he wasn’t flustered from finally having Jaemin’s full attention on him even if that’s what he had been seeking this whole time. 

Jaemin just smiled at that, the grin taking over his whole face like the sun breaking the horizon. “You haven’t left me alone all week.”

Renjun blinked, taken aback by the statement. It was true though. Any moment he found himself not in Jaemin’s vicinity he felt an odd panicky feeling awake, moving from his toes to the tips of his ears. 

When he was in school he remembered learning about object permanence, the concept babies developed as they grew to know that an object still existed even if you couldn’t see it. Renjun felt like he was a baby, that if Jaemin was out of his sight he might leave, disappear again, gone for good this time. 

Renjun didn’t know how he was supposed to admit that to the other so he kept his thoughts to himself. “Yeah I missed you,” was all he said.

Jaemin moved suddenly from his chair and drew Renjun into his arms, tucking the shorter boy under his chin. Peace and the scent of bubblegum washed over Renjun like a wave, calming him, making butterflies do laps in his stomach. 

It was easier from then on. More often than not Renjun found himself seeking out Jaemin instead of vice versa. Jaemin was there when Renjun needed a hug, something to ground him. He was there to pepper kisses over Renjun’s face until Renjun got annoyed and got up to do whatever he had been procrastinating, a small smile of victory on Jaemin’s face. 

“Don’t leave me again,” Renjun said softly from where he was standing behind Jaemin seated at the table, arms thrown across the youngers shoulders. The situation reminded Renjun of when Jaemin first returned and called Renjun out for his clinginess. He smiled at the memory.

“I won’t, Injun.” Jaemin sat up straighter and leaned back until he was able to press a soft kiss to Renjun’s temple. 

…

The first time it happened it was in the form of a punishment. Almost late for practice, Renjun had told the other six that whoever was the last one ready would have to carry him on their back for the rest of the day. 

Jisung, poor Jisung, was the last to stumble out the door muttering something about his shoelaces being tied together. Renjun thought he heard Chenle and Donghyuck giggle. 

“You’ll break him,” Mark said bravely, trying to protect the youngest. 

Chenle giggled from his spot beside Jisung, a supportive hand on his shoulder. “ _ Jeno _ would break him. Renjun is as much of a twig as Jisungie.”

“You calling me fat?” 

“Are you kidding? Out of us, you’re one of the only ones who work out. You’re Hulk compared to the rest of us!” Chenle explained waving his hands over Jeno’s body as to prove his point.

Jeno just snorted, “Says Mr. Green Hair.”

While the two continued to bicker (Donghyuck joining in at some point, siding with Chenle, claiming Jeno’s comeback was weak so he could never win even with help), Jisung made his way over to Renjun and crouched so the smaller boy could jump on his back. Scared they were already late for practice, Renjun wasted no time awkwardly crawling up until he was perched on Jisungs back. 

_ Since when did he get so tall? _ “It’s like a whole other world up here,” Renjun joked once Jisung stood up, his arms securing Renjun’s legs around his waist. The others just laughed. He could hear Jaemin somewhere in the back cooing over how cute they were; Renjun could only hope he wasn’t taking photos as well. 

The next time it happened was after a particularly hard practice. Jisung’s offer came as a surprise since Renjun himself could barely stand. He couldn’t imagine carrying another human back to the dorms. But it was because he could barely stand that he took the youngest up on his offer.

And again when they were coming back from getting ice cream and Donghyuck complained about how slow Renjun walked with his short legs. (“You’re literally the same height as me shut the fuck up.”)

And again when they had a rare day off and went to Han River, just the seven of them for the first time, and Jisung claimed Renjun would be able to see more from his back (he wasn’t wrong). 

And again. 

Jisung never complained. Instead he insisted Renjun was light as a feather and that it wasn’t any different from carrying a backpack - which had Donghyuck and Chenle keeling over from laughter. Renjun put Jisung in a chokehold until he apologized but even once Renjun let go Jisung couldn’t stop laughing.

…

Jaemin being clingy was one thing. It was something Renjun had learnt to deal with on his own terms and was something Renjun had come to crave. Donghyuck was a whole other story.  

As much as the younger pretended to ignore the fact, Donghyuck needed affection to survive and when he wasn’t able to get it from Mark he simply moved down the line. That meant Renjun was usually his next victim. Why Donghyuck didn’t just join forces with Jaemin left Renjun puzzled. 

It was nothing against the younger and even less against the skinship, which Renjun had grown to accept on his own terms. It was the fact that somehow Donghyuck always chose the worst times. 

Renjun couldn’t take two steps some mornings without Donghyuck plastered to his back, arms wrapped around his middle. The only thing nice about it was the fact that Donghyuck was like a human heater, his own little sun. So even though Renjun had to leave behind his warm blankets, there could be worse. 

Worse was Donghyuck acting like a leech when all Renjun had to do was use the washroom, refusing to let go, mumbling nonsense as to why he couldn’t let go (“My legs are still sleeping, I’ll fall over you wouldn’t want that would you?”), morning breath strong in Renjun’s face. On more than one occasion Renjun considered just letting the boy fall, so be it. 

It got worse when Donghyuck was sleepy. He would whine until he got his way and had Renjun tucked in between his arms at his mercy. 

(“Why don’t you just go back to your dorm and sleep?” Renjun would ask.

“That’s no fun,” was always Donghyuck’s reply.)

It wasn’t until recently a tired Donghyuck had discovered to Renjun’s horror that when they were hugging, Renjun was at the perfect height for Donghyuck to press warm kisses to his neck. The first time Renjun felt the unusual warm pressure on his neck he nearly jumped out of his skin. The only thing grounding him was Donghyuck’s arms around his middle. Donghyuck didn’t stop until Renjun wiggled his way free, claiming it tickled more than anything. 

Due to his seemingly perfect height, Renjun was the only lucky (read: unlucky) member to receive neck kisses from Donghyuck. Ever since complaining how ticklish they felt, Donghyuck had taken it as a personal challenge to find the most sensitive and ticklish spots on Renjun’s neck - the best place so far being a small patch below his ear that made him shiver every time, which Donghyuck seemed to get a kick out of. 

Deep down Renjun knew that if he really hated it, he could tell Donghyuck to stop and the younger would listen.  Even if Donghyuck liked pressing the buttons of others he (usually) knew when to draw the line. 

“Injun,” Donghyuck cried out, throwing his arms around the older where he found him in the hallway. Renjun turned in the death grip he found himself in until he was face to face with his captor. 

“On you way back?”

Donghyuck nodded, leaning forward to hide his face in Renjuns neck, pressing kisses as he went. Before heading back to his dorm, Donghyuck always made sure to go around saying goodbye to all the other dreamies as if they wouldn’t see each other the next day again, bright and early. Renjun found the habit endearing. 

“Goodnight Injunnie,” Donghyuck mumbled between kisses, hot breath fanning over Renjun’s neck, making his hairs stand on end. 

Renjun wrapped his arms around Donghyuck in return, pressing into the other boy, feeling the warmth he radiated. “Goodnight Duckie.”

…

“Which one do you want?” Renjun could hear Jeno’s voice from the living room as he finished pouring the last of the M&M’s into a bowl. 

This was perhaps his favorite habit. 

Once a month, if time allowed, he and Jeno would gather as much junk food as possible and watch whichever newest release caught their eye. It was something just the two of them had been doing long before debut. Sure movie nights with the rest of them were fun, but movie nights with Jeno were on a whole other level. 

Nothing was better than late nights when he could watch the colours of the television dance across Jeno’s face in admiration. Piled under more blankets than he thought they had in the dorms but the most heat coming from Jeno himself. Pressed shoulder to shoulder, thigh to thigh.

It wasn’t always like that though. Sometimes Jeno laid his legs across Renjun, using the older as his personal footrest. Sometimes, when he was really tired, exhaustion pulling at his edges, Renjun laid his head in Jeno’s lap and let the other run his fingers through his hair. 

Once, they had fallen asleep, legs tangled together, Renjun on top of Jeno using Jeno’s chest as a pillow. The peace only lasted until Donghyuck got up to pee and passed them on his way to the bathroom. 

Renjun woke to the laughter of Donghyuck sending the photos he took to the group chat. When Renjun had moved to get up, all the rage of being woken up at 3am fuelling him, he felt a warm hand catch the back of his neck and bring him back down. 

“Don’t bother, Jun. Go back to sleep,” Jeno slurred, barely awake himself. At the sound of his voice, Renjun felt the fight sink out of his body. Donghyuck didn’t let it got for a solid month, but Jeno never mentioned the giant drool stain on his shirt in the morning, so Renjun still counted it as a win. 

“Junnie?” Jeno’s voice call him back to the present.

Making his way into the living room, flicking the lights off as he went, Renjun plopped the chocolate on the table next to the popcorn and grabbed a blanket that Jeno held out for him, wrapping himself up in a matter of seconds. 

“You can pick this time. I picked last time,” Renjun said, adding the last part before Jeno had time to argue. While Renjun had been getting the snacks ready, Jeno had already buried himself under two blankets, only his head visible, his cheeks flushed from the warmth.  _ Cute _ , Renjun thought. 

In the end, Jeno chose a romance film Renjun had heard little about. It wasn’t surprising in the least, Jeno was always the more romantic of the two where Renjun prefered action or suspense movies. ( _ They just stress me out, _ Jeno had argued).

To his credit, Renjun made it nearly half the movie before starting to lose interest, the exhaustion from his busy week winning over the caffeine from the chocolate. Instead he found himself studying Jeno’s face. The beauty marks on his cheeks. The way his nose curved down to plump lips. The way his strong jawline made him look older, more masculine. 

“Junnie?” This time Jeno’s voice was barely above a whisper, calling him back to reality. Renjun wasn’t too sure how long he had been staring, but he knew he had been caught like a deer in the headlights. 

He wasn’t sure what came over him next. Maybe it was the fact that he was exhausted beyond his mind and wasn’t thinking straight. Maybe it was the searing warm feeling making its way through his gut up to his heart, sending shocks of electricity through his veins knowing he had been caught.

Maybe it was the fact that in that moment he was sure Jeno was the most beautiful boy he had ever seen and he wanted to tell him as much. 

“You’re beautiful.” Renjun had never been more bold.

Suddenly he was glad for the darkness, hoping it would hide the red that rushed to colour his face. One look at Jeno’s face, eyes wide, lips parted and cheeks bright enough to match Renjun’s and he knew the darkness wasn’t hiding anything. 

“Renjun,” it was barely more than an exhale, but hearing Jeno use his full name caused his heart to clench up. That was new. 

The movie long forgotten in the back, Renjun shifted until he was closer to Jeno, could feel the heat radiating off the younger. The whole time he was careful to judge Jeno’s reactions, not wanting to cross any lines. The whole time Jeno looked back at him, a look of awe and under adoration on his face, as if he couldn’t believe any of this was real. 

“Can I...can I kiss you?” Renjun asked holding his breath. His heart felt like it was on fire, beating a fast, loud rhythm in his chest as he waited for Jeno to respond. 

After what seemed like an eternity Jeno nodded, certain. “Only,” he spoke up to list his terms, “Only if we can make it a habit. One where you only kiss me.”

At that Renjun could only laugh, light and bubbly. He thought his veins were made of champagne and starlight. Had Jeno really been jealous of all the attention Renjun received from the others? “Are you asking me to be your boyfriend Lee Jeno?” 

Jeno held the sun in eyes and Renjun was helplessly pulled in by his gravity, unable to look away. Jeno nodded again, some of his hair falling in his face this time. “Yes. If that’s ok.”

Renjun’s heart soared and he felt another laugh bubble out of his chest. “Of course that’s ok.”

He wasn’t sure who leaned forward first, but when their lips pressed together Renjun could have sworn he felt the stars explode.

… 

The more he thought about it, maybe some habits could be broken after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> youtuber voice: dont forget to like & comment!
> 
> thank u so much for spending the time to read this ♡
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/KIHYUKlE) | [cc](https://curiouscat.me/kihyukie)


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